The Thirteen Steps to Intimacy

Step 1: Eye to Body

Hero sits in the corner, nursing a Cuba Libre, when across the smoky room, empty beer bottles clang to the floor as a group of women climb from their stools to the bar and begin to dance. Two of them are wearing barely there come-get-me clothes, but the third--the one in jeans and sneakers--has a body that undulates to pulsing beat with a rhythm that matches his own.

Step 2: Eye to Eye

Let's say they don't run each other off, or at least not yet. They've seen each other and, like it or not, they're intrigued.

Suddenly--oh my God!--they're caught looking. No matter how many people are in the room, for a second it's just the two of them, locked together by the magic of eye contact. Eye contact can be heady flirting, in and of itself.

Step 3: Voice to Voice

Heroine catches hero staring, and responds with a half-smile and a lick of her lips. Hero plunks down his Cuba Libre and prowls over to where heroine undulates on the bar. One of them says, "Hey, sexy."

Step 4: Hand to Hand

The music fades. Heroine stops gyrating. Hero lifts his hand, palm up, a silent offer to help her down from the bar.

Step 5: Arm/Hand to Shoulder

Hero escorts heroine away from the bar. Drunken, leering patrons try to pull her from him, and he slings an arm across her shoulders, protecting her from their advances and wordlessly staking his claim.

Step 6: Arm/Hand to Waist

As hero sweeps heroine from the smoky bar to the twilit street, his hand coasts down from her shoulder, tracing the curve of her back. His palm glides from the base of her spine to her waist. His fingers splay across her hip, nestling her closer against the warmth of his body.

Step 7: Mouth to Mouth AKA Face to Face

They reach an intersection. The walk light flashes green. Heroine takes a step toward the street, but hero spins her to face him. She looks up in surprise and suddenly her eyes are right there, drinking him in. Her breath is right there, feathering against the stubble of his jaw. Her tongue is right there, wetting her parted lips. Her mouth is right there, asking to be kissed.

Step 8: Hand to Head

Heroine fingers, once splayed against Hero's back, now slide up the hot skin of his neck and into the clipped softness of his hair, toying with the wind-whipped locks. Hero, for his part, locks onto Heroine's long ponytail, wrapping his hand with the fall of blonde hair, and forcing her mouth even tighter to his.

Step 9: Hand to Body

Whether this step is exemplified as hand to breast or a foot massage, a high level of trust is required.

This is often the moment Hero and Heroine cross the line between kissing and pre-sexual foreplay. Typically, the body part(s) being touched is one not exposed in public, indicating a great deal of intimacy.

Step 10: Mouth to Breast

Undeniably sexual in nature, the act of licking, nibbling and/or suckling indicates sexual desire, deepened trust, and a high level of emotion.

This step typically includes partial to full nudity, as well as some combination of the previous steps.

Step 11: Hand to Genitals

Indicative of high levels of trust, this step is a huge act of bonding.

How do your characters react? Is this a culmination of their dreams or further proof they're the kind of person their mama always said they were? Do they stop before either reaches satisfaction? Do one or both experience an orgasm? Or do they move on to:

Step 12: Mouth to Genitals

The author forgot this step, but it was pointed out in the comments, so I'm adding it in.


Step 13: Sexual Intercourse

This stage represents the highest level of bonding and the pinnacle of trust. Both parties expect to gain and give pleasure. Intense physical sensation flood the senses and bonding is at an all-time high.

As always, show the reader! What is the POV character thinking, feeling, saying, doing? How does the other person look, smell, taste, feel, sound? And most importantly... what happens afterward?

I got this from here: web.archive.org/web/20150701015356/http://manuscriptmavens.blogspot.com/2007/07/twelve-steps-of-intimacy.html

I thought it was really good. The author goes into more detail in the article. I find stuff like this helpful because I can't visualize stuff when awake, so having a step-by-step list ensures I don't forget anything. You don't have to do these in this exact order, I don't think. You can mix and match, but I think following each step would be really helpful in building the sexual tension.

She leaves out butt stuff completely, so I'm not sure where those steps would go. I guess if you're writing male-male the butt stuff could be step 13, and maybe for lesbians, too, if they're into that. She also doesn't talk about the use of toys.And no fun BDSM stuff, either. But if you're writing vanilla hetero stuff her things should be fine, and maybe they could be used as the baseline to be added to for a kinkier story or for one that is gay.