Post by K'Sennia Visitor on Jul 28, 2018 17:35:36 GMT
I just wrote this for fun as part of a roleplay that could be turned into a real story. Itichka (cos I just changed her name) is both a roleplay character and a novel character - she's very versatile! 
You don't really have to critique it since this is just an example. If I wanted a critique I might say it's okay to point out if you find typos, but it's also okay to ignore them. I'm not bothered either way. Mostly I want to know if you find the scene interesting and funny or stupid and annoying?
The Interrogation of Itichka the Unsub
Once upon a time, in a dirty, dimly lit ally, Itichka the Unsub, a tattooed elf, was minding her own business, going through the dumpster behind the Cinema Royale when two uniformed police officers annoyed her by interrupted her scavenging. Itichka would have ninja kicked them and ran off, but she was tired and hungry, and she had something inside her eye, irritating the bell out of it, so she let the silly goons cuff and lead her back to their squad car. When they got to the station she was taken into the interrogation room where a tiny, brown haired woman was waiting for her.
"Come sit down," Inspector Enid said. "I have some questions to ask about the murder of Duke Langley Roi."
Itichka sat because she was tired not because she was told to. "I don't know anything about that old Duke that would help you. But I'll tell you what I do know if you buy me lunch." She smiled her most reasonable smile. "Two cheeseburgers, a large fry, and a M&M Frosty, and I'll answer any questions you have for me."
***
Enid considered the request. Itichka wasn't a prisoner yet, she was being held for interrogation, but she could only be held for twelve hours without any concrete evidence against her. And provincial law did require her to feed all prisoners after six hours of interrogation, even elven prisoners. Would starting with the food hurt anything? Probably not.
"OK, we have a deal." Enid walked to the door, used her ID card to unlock it, and summoned the closest available guard. She repeated Itichka's order and then turned back toward her primes suspect. "Your food should be here soon. I'll be back once you've finished." Then she left the room, trying the knob to be certain the automatic lock was working. It was, and she headed back to her murder board to re-examine the evidence one more time before beginning this very important interrogation.
****
Itichka heard the lock click so she didn't bother trying it. She didn't want to leave right now, anyway. She was excited for her meal, the first one she'd had in days. Itichka was a marvelous assassin, but after the Duke Roi debacle no one wanted to hire her. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, however, Titch had made the mistake of trusting a certain lovely lady who had repaid that trust by running off and draining her bank account. So now Itichka was poor, destitute, and heartbroken. If she was honest with herself being arrested for murder might not be that bad of an idea. In prison she could handle herself, they'd feed her, clothe her, give her a bed and medical attention. Maybe she'd just go ahead and spill the beans. Tell this Inspector Enid everything she wanted to know.
The door opened, it was an officer, bringing her meal. Ehh, she'd think about it while she ate.
You don't really have to critique it since this is just an example. If I wanted a critique I might say it's okay to point out if you find typos, but it's also okay to ignore them. I'm not bothered either way. Mostly I want to know if you find the scene interesting and funny or stupid and annoying? The Interrogation of Itichka the Unsub
Once upon a time, in a dirty, dimly lit ally, Itichka the Unsub, a tattooed elf, was minding her own business, going through the dumpster behind the Cinema Royale when two uniformed police officers annoyed her by interrupted her scavenging. Itichka would have ninja kicked them and ran off, but she was tired and hungry, and she had something inside her eye, irritating the bell out of it, so she let the silly goons cuff and lead her back to their squad car. When they got to the station she was taken into the interrogation room where a tiny, brown haired woman was waiting for her.
"Come sit down," Inspector Enid said. "I have some questions to ask about the murder of Duke Langley Roi."
Itichka sat because she was tired not because she was told to. "I don't know anything about that old Duke that would help you. But I'll tell you what I do know if you buy me lunch." She smiled her most reasonable smile. "Two cheeseburgers, a large fry, and a M&M Frosty, and I'll answer any questions you have for me."
***
Enid considered the request. Itichka wasn't a prisoner yet, she was being held for interrogation, but she could only be held for twelve hours without any concrete evidence against her. And provincial law did require her to feed all prisoners after six hours of interrogation, even elven prisoners. Would starting with the food hurt anything? Probably not.
"OK, we have a deal." Enid walked to the door, used her ID card to unlock it, and summoned the closest available guard. She repeated Itichka's order and then turned back toward her primes suspect. "Your food should be here soon. I'll be back once you've finished." Then she left the room, trying the knob to be certain the automatic lock was working. It was, and she headed back to her murder board to re-examine the evidence one more time before beginning this very important interrogation.
****
Itichka heard the lock click so she didn't bother trying it. She didn't want to leave right now, anyway. She was excited for her meal, the first one she'd had in days. Itichka was a marvelous assassin, but after the Duke Roi debacle no one wanted to hire her. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, however, Titch had made the mistake of trusting a certain lovely lady who had repaid that trust by running off and draining her bank account. So now Itichka was poor, destitute, and heartbroken. If she was honest with herself being arrested for murder might not be that bad of an idea. In prison she could handle herself, they'd feed her, clothe her, give her a bed and medical attention. Maybe she'd just go ahead and spill the beans. Tell this Inspector Enid everything she wanted to know.
The door opened, it was an officer, bringing her meal. Ehh, she'd think about it while she ate.
