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Post by K'Sennia Visitor on Apr 3, 2019 0:39:58 GMT
I was taking a bath and I decided to read a book. (gasp! me, read a book?) I didn't read much of it cos the water was getting cold, but I did get to read the author describe 4 different characters.
The first character is the male client who is haunted by a mysterious ghost and is described as: "Jack, his face pale......his curly brown hair. He had a slight build that combined with pointed, boyish features and green eyes to give him an air that Melinda could only think of as elfin."
[This description reads fine to me. Nothing to really complain about.]
Here is how Melinda, the protagonist and ghost whisperer is described, "...brushed back a lock of long dark hair. Her features were smooth, and her chin came to a rounded point that her husband Jim assured her was extremely cute. She wore a flowing white blouse that set off an almost porcelain complexion.
[Yeah, okay. I have no issues here, either. Good job, author!]
Here is how the male client's love interest is described: "A tall, redheaded woman...She wore a low-cut yellow blouse, and a matching embroidered skirt of raw silk clung to her thighs. No one would have called her beautiful-her face was a little too long, her eyes a bit too small, and Melinda thought she really needed to wear her hair down instead of in that French twist. But the look Jack gave her was the same look a hungry artist reserved for a Botticelli painting or a Michelangelo sculpture. Or the one Melinda sometimes gave Jim when he wasn't looking.
[Okay, what now? That's really harsh, author. Seriously! No one would have called her beautiful? Fuck You! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This description just really made me mad. It's just so sexist and male gazey. And possibly racist.]
Here is how Andrea, Melinda's best friend and business partner is described. "She was a pretty, dark-skinned woman with a ready smile and strong, wiry hands.............She pulled her straight black hair into a fake bun...
[Again, WTF!!! Strong, wiry hands? You're describing an antiques shop proprietor, not a construction worker. At least you didn't wax on about how ugly she is, but dude - this is all you could think of to describe her? You did add in a mention about her hair a couple pages later, but nothing about her clothes. Sure, Andrea's character always did get shunted off to the background most of the time in the show, but she was still listed as main cast. She's not a flipping extra. If you hadn't guessed, I consider this one and the one above really bad examples of how to describe your characters.]
And just for fun here is how the next character, a male who enters the shop is described, "He looked to be in his late thirties and was tall, nearly six feet, with a broad build, square face, and red hair the color of an autumn leaf. He wore a green-checked flannel shirt, jeans, and brown work boots. His blue eyes were hesitant, and he carried a file folder in large hands...The man...put on a friendly smile that creased his face and made him even better-looking. Melinda was forced to admit he could give Jim a run for the money.
[This guy gets whole enchilada, he even gets height and shoes, and his hands are also mentioned, still a bit weird, but not as much. At least he held something in those large hands which gives you a reason to notice them.]
So basically, the lesson here is that characters of color are more than their skin color, and describing their strong hands for no reason is weird. Black and brown people also have height, they wear clothes, they have face shapes, different eye shades, and dark-skinned doesn't tell you much. There are sooo many different shades of brown, and words to describe them, too.
Also, do you really need to throw shade and insult certain characters by calling them ugly? That was so passive aggressive. What did that poor fictional woman ever do to you? Did a red head reject you in the past and this is your way of getting back at her? Why?
If the author was trying to make the point that Melinda is super shallow and judgy then he should have written so it was more clear that this was her subjective opinion. The way it comes out, it feels like the authors opinion, and it's uncomfortable and unnecessary. IMO
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Post by writeway on Apr 3, 2019 16:33:12 GMT
Two things never to do:
1) Don't use a celebrity to describe a character. It's a complete cop out.
2) Don't use the "looking in the mirror" to describe the MC. If you must describe him or her just do it in narrative or let another character describe him or her.
I always try to be as vivid and interesting as possible with my descriptions. Always point out things that are unique about them. Something that another character might notice. For example, does your MC have a lisp? Do they bit their lip between words? Do they bite their fingernails? This is stuff people notice and great ways to describe characters.
It's about going beyond color, race, body shape, hair color, eyes. It's about bringing the reader to what makes the character unique. Many times authors neglect how important smell can be when describing characters. I always try to include how someone smells when I first introduce them because that is something I always notice. I am also one of those people who notice a person's teeth right off. If you're smiling, I look right at your teeth. So I describe how someone's teeth might look. Do they have a crooked smile, gaps? Does their breath smell like stale coffee, junior mints or a ham sandwich the MC might've eaten an our ago?
That's how I approach description. And when I do get to the physical I try to be as interesting and vivid as I said as possible. Not the boring old, "He was tall, etc." How tall was he? This doesn't tell the reader nothing. I like to mention height if it's important. I say, "He was around 6'1, etc." Because saying someone is tall says nothing. Tall means different things to different people. I am a tall woman. I'm 6'1. So to me if you call someone tall, I'm wondering if you mean my height or a little shorter. Be descriptive. Don't say the MC is fat, plus-sized, chubby. WHAT does this all mean? Is the MC obese or just mildly overweight? Are they thin everywhere else except their stomach? Describe it. Does the woman have a tiny waist but hips wide as a football stadium? Say it. Because saying someone is "plus-sized" or whatever means nothing. There are different degrees to weight and height. You can't just say someone is tall or someone is overweight.
Same with skin color. I'm a person of color and how shades are described is important. People skip on shades and just says the person's race. That isn't cutting it and people of color come in different shades so it's best to describe it. If the person is not an important character you don't have to even describe much. Sometimes I will describe the person's hair or body type to give an idea but I don't waste time describing a lot about characters the reader won't see again. For example, if you have a waitress in a diner, you don't have to describe her. You can just say she's chewing gum and it's getting on the MC's nerves. That's a great description in less than 10 words and the reader will have their own interpretation. There is a thing about too much description. Only describe stuff that is important and as I said, that makes the person unique.
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Post by K'Sennia Visitor on Apr 3, 2019 16:46:13 GMT
Excellent advice, writeway! I am really bad with description, usually, cos I am extremely unobservant and I don't see pictures in my head, plus I have the memory of Dory. So I tend to skip a ton of description, but then I read writers who are actually good and their books are full of it, so I'm trying to get better at it. I also describe things from photographs, so having pictures of my characters ahead of time doesn't help. For me, I basically have to memorize descriptive words and then just jumble them up and stick them together.
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Post by writeway on Apr 3, 2019 16:47:42 GMT
"A tall, redheaded woman...She wore a low-cut yellow blouse, and a matching embroidered skirt of raw silk clung to her thighs. No one would have called her beautiful-her face was a little too long, her eyes a bit too small, and Melinda thought she really needed to wear her hair down instead of in that French twist. But the look Jack gave her was the same look a hungry artist reserved for a Botticelli painting or a Michelangelo sculpture. Or the one Melinda sometimes gave Jim when he wasn't looking.
My points:
See, I have an issue with "tall". That's lazy. If she is tall tell us how tall she is. As I said in my response above, I AM TALL. I am 6'1. So if you say tall I'm wondering, is she my height? Is she shorter? Tall means different things to different people. If someone is say 5'1, he or she might think 5'7 is tall. I don't. I mean to me that's average because I am much taller. I consider 5'8- and up tall for a woman and 5'8-5'10 short for a man. As you point out, K, things are in the eye of the beholder and will mean different things to different people that's why if you are mentioning height, do it in a way we know what you mean. You can't just say "tall".
Redheaded woman? BORING. What color red? Is it strawberry-blonde? Is it fire-engine red? Is it off-red and kinda brown? Is it brown with red under tones? WHAT COLOR RED? If you are describing a major character then go all the way or just don't mention her hair but if you mention it's red then it's important to describe what red you are talking about. There are several shades to red hair and all types of combinations. See? SHADES. This is what I was talking about. Saying someone has red hair means jack.
I'm fine with the rest of the description. The part about "no one would've called her beautiful" it wouldn't bother me if it's in the POV of a character. When a character sees or says something, then that's how the character feels and I have no issue. When I look at someone and find them ugly or whatever, I'm looking through my lense. That's all I can do. If I see someone with yellow teeth and a dirty face and they are married I might be like, "Ugh. Who would marry them with that nasty face and those yellow teeth?" LOL! It's just how a person sees things. So to someone they might see a person and say, "I can't see how anyone would call this person beautiful." For example my dad and a lot of people I know think Julia Roberts is one of the ugliest women they have ever seen. Me? I think she's okay. I don't think she's ugly but I don't think she is as beautiful as they tried to make her seem. So to my dad, he looks at Julia Roberts and probably thinks, "My god, how can all these folks think this woman is beautiful?" Same thing. Some might thing she is God's gift but some don't. As I said, I think she is okay-looking but not gorgeous or anything. I still don't know why they always acted like Julia was so beautiful back in the 1990's when you had actresses like Demi Moore and Winona Ryder who in my opinion ran rings around her. I like Julia, but I don't think she's beautiful.
So I said all that to just say how we as people react when we see someone. Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder but in character (and real life) that doesn't matter. An author is describing how the character feels and he or she might feel like this woman they are looking at would never be considered beautiful.
I don't find it offensive myself because it's being true to a character.
I'm sorry, I am lost on the racist part. I don't see it. Maybe I missed it? Not dismissing your feelings, I'm genuinely asking what do you feel was racist?
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Post by writeway on Apr 3, 2019 16:48:36 GMT
Excellent advice, writeway ! I am really bad with description, usually, cos I am extremely unobservant and I don't see pictures in my head, plus I have the memory of Dory. So I tend to skip a ton of description, but then I read writers who are actually good and their books are full of it, so I'm trying to get better at it. I also describe things from photographs, so having pictures of my characters ahead of time doesn't help. For me, I basically have to memorize descriptive words and then just jumble them up and stick them together. Thanks! I mentioned the passage with my points up above.
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Post by writeway on Apr 3, 2019 16:51:59 GMT
Another thing, they didn't describe the hair at all. Is it short? Is it long? Is it layered? Is it curly? Is it wavy? Does it hit the jaw line? Is she wearing an updo? Nothing but red. I don't like this half-ass description. If you are gonna describe, do it all the way. If not, don't. The author does a good job at describing the woman's face and clothes but just dropped the ball on hair and the height. Hair is as important as the face. You can't just say "red hair". I need more than that. She could be wearing a red Afro for all I know. ROFL! And for the record, I do think Botticelli women are beautiful. I have used them to describe women before. Many don't think the women in his paintings were beautiful but I do. Hold up. I read it again. Did they head hop? How can you describe Jack looking at this woman and then say how Jack gave her a hungry look? Am I confused or is that what the author means? Because if Jack is describing the woman, then how can he describe how he is looking at her? The author jumped into narrative or something? That's head hopping. How can Jack know how he is looking at her? Only she or someone else could describe that. The more I read this, the more issues I find.
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Post by K'Sennia Visitor on Apr 3, 2019 21:56:56 GMT
I just copied the description parts, so it's not all one seamless scene. But yes, there is plenty of head hopping, also. That's why I felt the "no one would think she was beautiful" was the author's opinion. The only part that came from Melinda was that she didn't look good with her hair in a French braid.
The part that I thought was maybe a bit racist was the "eyes too small" part because that's a thing people say about Asians. "How can you see when your eyes are so small?" Even though Asian eyes are the same size as everyone else's, it's just sometimes they have a single eyelid, and lack a crease, or may have epithelial folds which can hide the eyeball more. The author might not have been thinking of Asian folks at all, but that's just what I thought of when I read it.
I like what you said about using exact height (although if it's in a fantasy world that gets harder) and color shades, rather than just baseline colors.
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Post by dormouse on Apr 4, 2019 19:55:59 GMT
I would say they were all bad. How many people you know would describe a new acquaintance like that? Do they advance the plot or characterisation? Will the reader remember it or just skim faster?
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Post by dormouse on Apr 4, 2019 21:04:14 GMT
Ben Aaronovitch- Lesley was short, blonde and impossibly perky, even when wearing a stab vest.
I'd regard this as good. Short enough to remember, conveys character and the protagonist's feelings about her. The rest of the description is scattered through the narrative, as relevant.
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Post by dormouse on Apr 4, 2019 21:13:01 GMT
A longer one from the same book: He was about one-eighty in height – that’s six foot in old money – and dressed in a beautifully tailored suit that emphasised the width of his shoulders and a trim waist. I thought early forties with long, finely boned features and brown hair cut into an old-fashioned side parting. It was hard to tell in the sodium light but I thought his eyes were grey. He carried a silver-topped cane and I knew without looking that his shoes were handmade. All he needed was a slightly ethnic younger boyfriend and I’d have had to call the cliché police.
When he strolled over to talk to me I thought he might be looking for that slightly ethnic boyfriend after all.
Longer, but not easy to skim and doesn't drag. Describes the character (appearance and something about his personality), tells more about the protagonist and establishes the contrast between them (it's the main partnership in the series).
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Post by dormouse on Apr 4, 2019 21:29:24 GMT
And an even longer one from the same book: But none of this was important because also in the room was the Goddess of the River Thames. She sat enthroned on the finest of the executive armchairs.
Her hair was braided and threaded with black cotton and tipped with gold, so that it stood above her brow like a crown. Her face was round and unlined, her skin as smooth and perfect as a child’s, her lips full and very dark. She had the same black cat-shaped eyes as Beverley. Her blouse and wrap skirt were made from the finest gold Austrian lace, the neckline picked out in silver and scarlet, wide enough to display one smooth plump shoulder and the generous upper slopes of her breasts. One beautifully manicured hand rested on a side table, at the foot of which stood burlap sacks and little wooden crates.
As I stepped closer I could smell salt water and coffee, diesel and bananas, chocolate and fish guts. I didn’t need Nightingale to tell me I was sensing something supernatural, a glamour so strong it was like being washed away by the tide. In her presence I found nothing strange in the fact that the Goddess of the River was Nigerian.
I think it's probably good. Establishes a clear picture. Smell, impression as well as image. Does advance the plot. She doesn't appear that often so not as many opportunities to develop the picture. But quite tempting to skim a bit.
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Post by K'Sennia Visitor on Apr 5, 2019 4:08:37 GMT
Ooh, great examples, dormouse! Thanks for participating!!! I remember advice from another writing forum when I was first starting out that suggested assimilating all description, or at least as much as possible, into the action. And I feel like that's what your examples were doing. Much better than the narrator halting the action to announce the new arrivals. Although, that can be appropriate in certain stories.
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Post by dormouse on Apr 5, 2019 22:11:08 GMT
Thanks for participating!!! It's an interesting topic. I remember advice from another writing forum when I was first starting out that suggested assimilating all description, or at least as much as possible, into the action. I think all rules at best only partially correct. Readers in fast action mode are likely to skim or be irritated by lengthy description or complex language. Other readers may be more tolerant, in which case description and language are options for managing the pacing. But it must still have a purpose although that purpose can be more esoteric than plot or mood or information. And some readers positively enjoy complex text or imagery that requires careful reading. You'd miss most of the jokes in Terry Pratchett if you read fast. And with character description it's important to remember that many readers will develop their own image of the character and over-description can get in the way of that unless it activates ideas already present in the readers mind. The first example above is easy to imagine; the second has a Steed/Adam Adamant vibe which makes it easy to imagine; the third is sufficient to paint a picture, but for those who know such women allows Mother Thames to be seen in all her glory.
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Post by dormouse on Apr 12, 2019 20:30:16 GMT
Here are the initial character descriptions from Chapter One of The Mage Chronicles (The Gilded Empire Book 1) by R J Eliason
Mary ignored the market, and for the moment, it returned the favor. Mary was a slight figure, almost a head shorter than the nearest man in front of her. She was thin and had long, coppery-red hair pulled back into a long braid. She wore a simple dress of burnt orange held fast around the waist with a silk scarf. A pentacle, embroidered into the sleeve of the dress, marked her as a healer.
He looked as he always did, a tall, graying man, who could be described, depending on his mood, as either imposing or fatherly. He was wearing brown leggings and a light tan shirt with an embroidered edging. The shirt was simple in design but of high-quality construction. The hair on his head, though graying, was full and worn short. His movements, as he stepped forward to give Mary a hug, were strong and graceful, belying the age of his appearance.
He appeared much younger than Ashe, little more than a boy, but when it came to mages, appearances were not be trusted. He had wavy, black hair worn loose and down to his shoulders. He was dressed in a fine tunic with brightly colored and slightly puffed sleeves, with green tights underneath. He wore an ornate belt and a blade that was too long to properly be called a dagger but too short to be called a sword. His fine leather boots made a gentle slapping noise as he walked, and his knee-length tunic swished as he sat in the now vacant chair next to Ashe.
Eli was a broad, handsome man despite a slight gut. An athletic man, once upon a time, now gone slightly to seed. He had wavy, dark hair with patches of gray. ... His leather boots thumped on the polished wooden floors, making the attendant healers look up from their card game.
Shanti looked to be eighteen, her blonde hair and flushed face radiant. She would have been beautiful, and some would say she was still, but she was too thin, small breasted and bony, with a sharp face and prominent nose.
These character descriptions are nearly 8% of the first chapter (and there’s no shortage of descriptions of places either). Mary is the protagonist; Eli and Shanti are present only in the first few chapters of the book and then at the very end. Ashe doesn’t come in much more often, but is the major power behind Mary’s quest.
I've only read the first chapter. Have now read the whole book; I will put some general comments in the books read thread.
As it turns out, Mary was the only character who goes through the book, the others were only there at the very beginning and the description was only initially relevant. Slowed the action to no purpose. As if the characters were all written out on index cards and the whole card just dumped in at the beginning. Something that should have been dealt with in editing.
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Post by dormouse on Apr 20, 2019 21:19:30 GMT
My most recent read (A Shilling for Candles by Josephine Tey) has a quite contrasting style. Written about 90 years ago, it's slower paced than many more recently written whodunits. The beginning of the book is a description of a character made up of description mixed with stream of consciousness and action. The purpose is to set the tone and style while setting up the rest of the book by describing the discovery of the body; the character doesn't appear anywhere else.
IT WAS A little after seven on a summer morning, and William Potticary was taking his accustomed way over the short down grass of the cliff-top. …
Potticary himself, square and dark and uncompromising. A million dewdrops sparkling on the virgin grass suggested a world new come from its Creator’s hand. Not to Potticary, of course. What the dew suggested to Potticary was that the ground fog of the early hours had not begun to disperse until well after sunrise. His subconscious noted the fact and tucked it away, while his conscious mind debated whether, having raised an appetite for breakfast, he should turn at the Gap and go back to the Coastguard Station, or whether, in view of the fineness of the morning, he should walk into Westover for the morning paper, and so hear about the latest murder two hours earlier than he would otherwise. Of course, what with wireless, the edge was off the morning paper, as you might say. But it was an objective. War or peace, a man had to have an objective. You couldn’t go into Westover just to look at the front. And going back to breakfast with the paper under your arm made you feel fine, somehow. Yes, perhaps he would walk into the town.
The pace of his black, square-toed boots quickened slightly, their shining surface winking in the sunlight. Proper service, these boots were. One might have thought that Potticary, having spent his best years in brushing his boots to order, would have asserted his individuality, or expressed his personality, or otherwise shaken the dust of a meaningless discipline off his feet by leaving the dust on his boots. But no, Potticary, poor fool, brushed his boots for love of it. He probably had a slave mentality; but had never read enough for it to worry him. As for expressing one’s personality, if you described the symptoms to him, he would, of course, recognise them. But not by name. In the Service they call that “contrariness”.
The second excerpt introduces a character who takes a critical role in the unravelling.
The door breezed open, after the sketchiest of knocks, and in the middle of the floor stood a small, skinny child of sixteen in shabby tweeds, her dark head hatless and very untidy.
‘Oh, sorry,’ she said. ‘I thought my father was here. Sorry.’
Tisdall slumped to the floor with a crash.
Grant, who was sitting on the other side of the large table, sprang to action, but the skinny child, with no sign of haste or dismay, was there first.
‘Dear me!’ she said, getting the slumped body under the shoulders from behind and turning it over.
Grant took a cushion from a chair.
‘I shouldn’t do that,’ she said. ‘You let their heads stay back unless it’s apoplexy. And he’s a bit young for that, isn’t he?’
She was loosening collar and tie and shirt-band, with the expert detachment of a cook paring pastry from a pie edge. Grant noticed that her sunburnt wrists were covered with small scars and scratches of varying age, and that they stuck too far out of her out-grown sleeves.
‘You’ll find brandy in the cupboard, I think. Father isn’t allowed it, but he has no self-control.’ Grant found the brandy and came back to find her slapping Tisdall’s unconscious face with a light insistent tapotement.
‘You seem to be good at this sort of thing,’ Grant said.
Oh, I ran the Guides at school.’ She had a voice at once precise and friendly. ‘A ve-ry silly institution. But it varied the routine. That is the main thing, to vary the routine.
‘Did you learn this from the Guides?’ he asked, nodding at her occupation.
‘Oh, no. They burn paper and smell salts and things. I learned this in Bradford Pete’s dressing-room.’
‘Where?’
‘You know. The welter-weight. I used to have great faith in Pete, but I think he’s lost his speed lately. Don’t you? At least, I hope it’s his speed. He’s coming to nicely.’ This last referred to Tisdall. ‘I think he’d swallow the brandy now.’
While Grant was administering the brandy, she said: ‘Have you been giving him third degree, or something? You’re police aren’t you?’
‘My dear young lady—I don’t know your name?’
‘Erica. I’m Erica Burgoyne.’
‘My dear Miss Burgoyne, as the Chief Constable’s daughter you must be aware that the only people in Britain who are subjected to the third degree are the police.’
Again, the description is mixed with action and dialogue (external rather than internal this time). I think they are good. Vivid, interesting, individual, carry the action.
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Post by K'Sennia Visitor on Apr 21, 2019 1:27:27 GMT
Thank you for the Josephine Tey descriptions. I adore the older style of writing and really enjoyed reading them. Quite well done, indeed. The crack about the police made me laugh, too!
I've just now started adding descriptions into my mystery on draft 3. So far I have three of them, and I've just sort of dumped them all at once onto the page. In a later draft I may try to weave them in more skillfully, if I make it through draft 3 alive, of course.
Here is my first attempt at describing my sleuth
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Post by dormouse on Apr 21, 2019 9:47:00 GMT
I've just now started adding descriptions into my mystery on draft 3. So far I have three of them, and I've just sort of dumped them all at once onto the page. In a later draft I may try to weave them in more skillfully, if I make it through draft 3 alive, of course. Here is my first attempt at describing my sleuth Description + something about the island & a difference between her and other islanders. Seems fine to me, although I find it surprisingly hard to evaluate out of context. My own first draft descriptions are always just placeholders. Likely to be changed as I become clearer about pacing and style or if I revise my ideas about the character. But I've never been a member of the write fast and push it out club.
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Post by K'Sennia Visitor on Apr 22, 2019 6:17:39 GMT
I've just now started adding descriptions into my mystery on draft 3. So far I have three of them, and I've just sort of dumped them all at once onto the page. In a later draft I may try to weave them in more skillfully, if I make it through draft 3 alive, of course. Here is my first attempt at describing my sleuth Description + something about the island & a difference between her and other islanders. Seems fine to me, although I find it surprisingly hard to evaluate out of context. My own first draft descriptions are always just placeholders. Likely to be changed as I become clearer about pacing and style or if I revise my ideas about the character. But I've never been a member of the write fast and push it out club. I can't write fast, either. Some days I can do it and other days I can't. My brain won't always cooperate and refuses to do anything perfectly or fast. I didn't write at all today cos last night was night 6 of no sleep and I was extremely grumpy and out of sorts. I think I did a better description of a character later on. Because it was more blended in.
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Post by dormouse on Apr 23, 2019 15:49:35 GMT
These are the introductions to Xiaolu Guo’s grandfather and grandmother who brought her up between the ages of 2 and 7 (from Once Upon A Time In The East). They are developed much further as the memoir progresses. The emphasis is not on physical appearance.
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Post by K'Sennia Visitor on Apr 24, 2019 0:55:16 GMT
Intense! Really sucks you in emotionally.
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Post by dormouse on Apr 30, 2019 19:12:28 GMT
This introduces one of the central characters in A Dance To The Music Of Time by Anthony Powell. It's a very literary work, with a much slower pace than most genre novels.
It's a long description. Sets the scene in an English public school. The image builds, visual enhanced by character and habit. Sets his place in society. Truth be told, interest does wane as it goes on, although this has a positive aspect in helping the reader to pick up the rhythm of the writing. And I know it is effective in establishing the character in the minds eye - I must first have read the book when I was at school and have a fixed picture of this character as a boy in my year.
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Post by K'Sennia Visitor on Apr 30, 2019 19:32:56 GMT
That's a lot of description about one boy. It's very much an outside look, tells you what other people see and say about him. I can't say I understand anything about the kid, but I do know what it's like to be odd and different and not like the crowd, so it makes me empathize with him, a lot more than the narrator. I would read more, and I think that's the most important thing.
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Post by dormouse on Apr 30, 2019 21:25:53 GMT
The narrator is very much an observer. Widmerpool is probably the most central character in the books; interest always picks up when he reappears. iirc he's very well done. Simultaneously sympathetic and repelling. But always true to his character.
But it is a remarkably long description for one character right at the front of a book. I doubt if there's ever been an era where writing a character at that length would have been thought good practice. But it clearly works, at least for readers who can stomach the overall style.
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Post by K'Sennia Visitor on May 1, 2019 6:56:43 GMT
That's why writers shouldn't follow "rules" when writing. As an author you need to understand story. And as long as you understand your story you should tell it in the way it needs to be told. Rules are good for learning what all the different ways are, but once an author has mastered their craft, they should feel free to experiment and try new things. For me, I'm still at the stage of, "oh goddess, I've got to describe my characters now:PANIC" but reading how others do it is really helpful.
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Post by dormouse on May 16, 2019 22:50:10 GMT
Since K'Sennia hasn't done this one, I thought I'd add it myself:
From Pretty is as Pretty Dies (A Myrtle Clover Cozy Mystery Book 1) by Elizabeth Spann Craig. This is the introduction to Parke Stockard (the victim) in Chapter One. Lively. Carries pace rather than holding anything up. Also adds information about Myrtle (protagonist) and Elaine (her daughter-in-law).
There's a new line which shouldn't be there, but that's grammar/editing.
The description is extended in other passages, always with pace. An e ample of description through dialogue and illustrates how it can be used to maintain pace (though that does depend on the dialogue).
I'd say this is another good one.
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Post by dormouse on May 29, 2019 21:41:47 GMT
First descriptions of two major characters in Ben Kane's The Forgotten Legion. Both tied up in expository action scenes. Simple. Functional. Suitable for skimming (the key features are repeated often enough later to sink in to even the most inveterate skimmer).
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Post by K'Sennia Visitor on Jun 8, 2019 6:39:15 GMT
Sorry, I haven't been responding to your threads. My brain is just very tired and I don't have anything intelligible to say. But I like how you share the descriptions you find during your reading. It's nice to see how other authors handle this important subject.
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Post by dormouse on Jun 8, 2019 9:13:28 GMT
I like how you share the descriptions you find during your reading. Thank you. Absolutely no need to respond. And with this last post what is there to say? So-so at best. Definitely not good. It would be bad if it weren't functional. It's nice to see how other authors handle this important subject. I'm finding it very interesting to do. I wouldn't have anticipated such a wide range of approaches. Or that I find some very good, and others ... not. Not that I'd want to do it for any of my own writing. I occasionally come across something, and think "That's good" or even "That is really very good", but I know that, if I did much revisiting, I'd be full of "How could I have done that?", "What was I thinking?", "It would have been much better to do it this way. Or that way." Revisiting drafts is fine because I can change them. But once it's out, it needs to be gone. Else it would be like adding extra balls to the chain around my feet.
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Post by dormouse on Jun 20, 2019 21:35:55 GMT
From Jack Treby's The Scandal at Bletchley
A very minor character mentioned only once:
A more significant character in the book:
They give a reasonable idea of the book. Neither says much about the character but help set the overall tone. The tone is the book.
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Post by dormouse on Jun 25, 2019 21:37:46 GMT
A quick introduction to three of the major characters. I think it's good - says something about each character and their situation in a very small space. It's the beginning of Chapter Two which gets the story moving much better than Chapter One.
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